I've decided I really want a round bed . . .

Preferably one that is suspended from the ceiling.

If I had lived in the 1960s I think I would have been a flight attendant:

.

legit.

Other dream jobs of mine currently include B movie actress, trapeze artist, muse, and private investigator; but only if it was just like how it is on Remington Steele.

Christmas was wonderful

It really, really was.

I think the worst feeling ever is when someone you like a whole lot is really depressed and you can't do a thing about it.

The past couple days have been quite nice. I realized I could no longer put off my Christmas shopping so yesterday Andrew and I went and both got everything done in one go. I am slightly intimidated by shopping malls at any time of year, so Christmas gets a little intense. But it wasn't too painful, now I am putting off wrapping; wrapping paper and I do not get along very well. Hannah and David got here last night; making this the first time since August that all five of us are in the same place. It's fun to think that this time last year we were all frustratedly trying to figure out if David was ever going to propose and now he and Hannah are married and both here for Christmas.

Also my passport arrived, which means I am all set to go to Scotland. I cannot wait :)

It somehow got to be 4:45 am without me noticing which means that it is Christmas Eve. I am watching reruns of The Nanny like the classy well cultured girl that I am.

Merry Christmas lovelies.

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is" -Bob Dylan

I have a new outlook on life. It's called I don't care. Not that I don't care about life; just that when someone says "hey Ell, did you know (insert some complete shit that's going on that I have no control over)?" I will just respond "I don't care." Caring causes too much trouble.

Today one of my friends told me he had seen a movie that made him think of me. I looked it up and it turned out to be a low budget movie about over sexed gay men who become zombies. Sometimes I wonder what my friends think of me.

Yesterday was a good day. Sunday night Jess and I went in to DC and stayed the night at dad's apartment so that yesterday we could go to the American Art museum to see the Normal Rockwell exhibit. Amazing. I love Norman Rockwell and his pictures are even more impressive in person. I loved it.

We also saw two exhibits in the national portrait gallery. One was "Elvis at 21: Photographs by Alfred Wertheimer" which was exactly what it sounds like and very enjoyable. And the second was called "Hide/Seek" and was about the sexual difference in the making of modern American portraiture and how art reflected society's changing view on sexuality. (yes, I copied that from the brochure) It had portraits from the 1800s up through the Stonewall riots, the AIDS epidemic and today. It was also great. (though to me any exhibit that contains something by Keith Haring is great) A lot of the pieces can be seen at the exhibits website and is worth looking at.

After the museums we met up with a friend who lives in the area for lunch, the botanical garden and the national tree because you need to do the stereotypical christmasy things.

Also I went to a cupcake shop for the first time in my life today. I was not at all disappointed.

It was a nice day. A good break from life.

My brother comes home today, my oldest sister tomorrow, and I still have to do all of my christmas shopping.

Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent" -Banksy

There are several things in this world I really love; these include street artists and documentaries. So when street artists make documentaries naturally I'm intrigued. This is the case with Exit Through the Gift Shop, directed by Banksy. ETtGS follows an eccentric french film maker turned artist as he follows street artists in Los Angeles. Though presented as a documentary, there's wide speculation that the whole movie is an elaborate hoax, but regardless it is very entertaining, covers it's subject matter and includes footage of really interesting artwork. I like it.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

-Neil Gaiman

"I think you're all mad. But that's part and parcel of being an artistic genius, isn't it? " -Charles de Lint

Lately I am slightly mesmerized by body painting . . .

In particular . . .

Liu Bolin:

Emma Hack:

Alexa Means: (Yes, that's an actual person she painted on. Incredible)

I just love it. I would love to do something like this one day.

The whole thing reminds me of this:

Home again, Home again . . .

The finals week from hell is finally over. After a 15 page exam, a 3 hour final, 2 scenes, an ensemble performance, 2 papers, an in class essay, a 200 page prompt book (I never want to look at that play again) APO initiation (congrats to our new members!) a meeting with the college’s president, staying up almost all night packing/cleaning, quick goodbyes to everyone and a 3 hour plane ride, I am back in Pennsylvania for the next month.

My break so far has consisted mainly of hot water bottles, painting, drinking tea, watching the snow out of my window, listening to Elliot Smith, and sleeping throughout the day. It is lovely. I have very few plans to move from my bed until January. At some point I will have to start applying for internships and writing my AERA conference paper and being a productive adult member of society, Jess and I have plans to go in to DC sometime next week to have a museum day and see the national tree, but for right now I am perfectly happy to sit here under my duvet and watch Richard III. (Ian Mckellen and Annette Bening performing Shakespeare? Yes please)

“That’s life. If nothing else, It’s life. It’s real, and sometimes it fuckin’ hurts, but it’s sort of all we have.” — Garden State

I do not know when the last time I was this tired was. I am running on no sleep in over 24 hours and too much caffeine. Also it is freezing. I know I am very whiney but it’s finals week and being dramatic is allowed.

I should be sleeping right now but my head is too full.

It’s weird how just one person can have such a huge impact on your life and then stop being part of it. It sucks. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

I am worried being a theatre major has made me love theatre less.

I can’t believe in one week the semester will be over. I feel like it’s gone by so quickly but at the same time so much has happened. It’s definitely been memorable. I need to stop being so angsty and go to sleep.

This is how I feel:

"I don't want to be an ant. You know? I mean, it's like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of us. Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there. All action basically for survival. All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient, polite manner. "Here's your change." "Paper or plastic?' "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?" I don't want a straw. I want real human moments. I want to see you. I want you to see me. I don't want to give that up. I don't want to be ant, you know?"

From the Richard Linklater film Waking Life

The Fair

I live in an extremely small town in southern Pennsylvania. I lived here from when I was 10 until I was 16 and then after 5 years of living in the great state of Mississippi, I moved back in May.

Every August they have a fair. It's small, and slightly shady, but every year it was something my friends and I looked forward to.

Tonight my twin sister, Jessie and I went to the fair, I haven't been to this fair since I was about 15. I remember the year before that going with Jessie, Hannah and our close friends Robert, and Daryl and one of their good friends Mel. This is who I spent every single weekend with, It was so much fun. This year Hannah is living in North Carolina with her new husband, Mel is married with two children, Robert just finished 6 years in the Navy and Daryl lives in Africa and I haven't seen him in about 5 years, So this year it was just Jessie and I. Fairs scare me slightly, there seems to be something incredibly uneasy about a ferris wheel that you can fold up and load on a truck, but we rode the rides and ate candy apples and listened to women sing country songs off key. It's the last time we're going to hang out for a while and it was overall a fun time. But it also felt kind of strange.

I leave on Tuesday to go back to Mississippi for my Junior year of college and Jess leaves a week after that to spend the semester in Rome. My brother is coming to college with me, my youngest sister starts her freshman year of high school in a week. (She is slightly a super genius and is skipping the 8th grade entirely) My best friend from the second grade just had a baby girl and the second boy I ever dated is getting married before too long. I have no idea when we all became so old. I am not entirely sure I like it.

At times I very much wish I was still 14 and at the fair.

Scenes from the best day ever.

J. Crew, marriage vows, sparklers and cigarettes.

weddings and things.

In less than 48 hours my oldest sister is getting married. The past couple months have been an insane whirlwind of making seating charts, decorating place cards and testing wedding cake frosting. It's weird that after Saturday it's going to be done. As excited as I am about this wedding and as happy as I am about getting such an amazing brother in law who has really become part of our family, it's strange to think that Hannah is going to be married, she'll have a husband and a new family and she'll like be an adult and shit. It's hard to explain but it just feels very weird.

I am pretty sure I shall not be having a wedding. Not to say that I won't get married, but the whole wedding thing is a little too intense for me. I think I'll have like a picnic with 9 people or something like that. I don't need colour schemes and appetizer menus.

I am excited though, it's going to be a beautiful wedding, I was kind of kind of dubious of the idea of having the reception in the barn but it really turned out lovely. I shall post photos at some point. My dad's family arrived today and my mother's crazy scottish family get here tomorrow. I don't think we've ever had both sides of the family together before (except for maybe at my parents wedding) so this is going to be great.


I need to wake up early to help arrange bouquets so I'm going to sleep now.

The Velveteen Rabbit

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Today I got some sad news.

Rest in peace Bethan. I wish I would have had the opportunity to know you better but I always enjoyed the conversations we did have. You were such a sweet girl and will be missed by everyone you knew. No one at school will ever forget you.

When I wake up with 24 dollars and a full tank of gas . . .

More quotes to think on

I love Children's books. I think they are full of wisdom. (I want a tattoo connected to "where the wild things are" but I am not entirely sure I will still want it when I'm 50 so I'm holding off for now.)  I believe that things said to children are usually way more insightful than anything that's ever said to adults. 

 

Observe:

 

 

Charles Schulz 

 “I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.”

“If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself.”           

 “I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.”

 “I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.”

 "In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back."

 “To live is to dance, to dance is to live.”

 “That's the secret to life . . . replace one worry with another.”

 “Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.”

 

Dr Suess

 “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

 “Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”

 “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”           

 “I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.”           

 “You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant?”

 "Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you."

 Walt Disney:

 “I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.”

 “It's kind of fun to do the impossible..”

 “The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique. “

 Murice Sendak: (Author of “Where the Wild Things are”)

 “There must be more to life than having everything”

 “It is through fantasy that children achieve catharsis. It is the best means they have for taming Wild Things.”

 “As it turns out sometimes the so-called "right way" is utterly the wrong way. What a monstrous confusion.”

 

 

A. A. Milne (Author of Winnie the Pooh)

 

“You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.”

 

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”

 

“I used to believe in forever, but forever is too good to be true.”

 

“Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking for it.”

I have never read a book by Charles de Lint . . .

 . . . But I still think the man is a genius.

(Read the following quotes and you'll agree with me)

A long time ago a bunch of people reached a general consensus as to what's real and what's not and most of us have been going along with it ever since.  

As far as I'm concerned, the only difference between fact and what most people call fiction is about fifteen pages in the dictionary.  

I think you're all mad. But that's part and parcel of being an artistic genius, isn't it? 

If you're not ready to die, then how can you live? 

It's good to have mysteries. It reminds us that there's more to the world than just making do and having a bit of fun. 

Life is like art. You have to work hard to keep it simple and still have meaning. 

Not everything has to mean something. Some things just are. 

One expected growth, change; without it, the world was less, the well of inspiration dried up, the muses fled. 

Remember the quiet wonders. The world has more need of them than it has for warriors. 

The best artists know what to leave out. 

The few wonders of the world only exist while there are those with the sight to see them. 

The road leading to a goal does not separate you from the destination; it is essentially a part of it. 

The thing with pretending you're in a good mood is that sometimes you can. 

There are few joys to compare with the telling of a well-told tale. 

When all's said and done, all roads lead to the same end. So it's not so much which road you take, as how you take it. 

Witchery is merely a word for what we are all capable of. 

Without mysteries, life would be very dull indeed. What would be left to strive for if everything were known? 

I love to draw (or paint, or colour, or cut things out of paper, or anything in that general genre) It makes me happy.

 

I like to draw people most of all. I think my sister is the prettiest person I know, she's the focus of a lot of my drawings. She has all the right angles and makes the best facial expressions. She also takes more photos of herself then anyone I know. Which means even when we're both at school I have plenty of points of reference. 


I draw my friends too. I drew this of my first serious boyfriend back when he was still my boyfriend. (it's kind of strange looking but it was based off a kind of strange photo of him) He was all musically gifted and wrote me a song. I am definitely NOT musically gifted. So I can't write people songs, but I can draw. 
 

I made this one for a friend. It's currently hanging up in his apartment. I love making things for my friends but I feel like it's pretentious to just do it, like saying "oh my art is so lovely. Don't you want some?." So it makes me feel good when they ask me to make them something.  

I love ballet. My whole life I have always loved it. I used to take ballet but quit a couple years ago because I didn't have time. I was horrible at it. I am a little too tall and not anywhere near as graceful or coordinated as a ballet dancer should be. I pretty much m as far from a ballerina as you can get. So i can't do ballet (and am a wee bit bitter towards anyone who can do ballet) So I get my ballet fix by painting them instead.