Today I . . .

. . . visited my horse

. . . did some drawing

. . . heard some music

It was a nice day. Sleep now. Back to school tomorrow :(

Spring Break in New Orleans

"And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day"

Anyone who has known me longer than a couple seconds knows that I hate blood, it freaks me out more than most things in this world. Blood, needles, doctors offices, anything connected to the things I have just listed. I just do not like it. So the idea of giving blood has kind of terrified me for a while, however it's still something I've wanted to do.
Since the age of around 15 my body has hated iron. hated in the fact that it never had any, even with supplements it just wasn't happening. However in the past year something magical has happened (probably due to the fact that for the first time since the age of 12 I am no longer a vegetarian) and for the first time in years I have been told that my "iron levels look really good" and with the loss of anemia also came the loss of the only excuse I've ever had not to donate blood
So today the Mississippi Blood services had their annual St. Patrick's day blood drive and I decided to face my fears and go.

I managed to find the building without getting lost (which is always an accomplishment for me when going somewhere for the first time) and after an iron test and a whole list of questions ranging from whether I was pregnant to whether I was a prostitute I was deemed an "acceptable donor" and sent to a room to wait for an available person to take my blood. I'm pretty sure I provided everyone working that day with great amusement. When I get nervous about something I tend to babble a lot and watching other people have their blood drawn was not really helping me feel any calmer.
But it was actually not that bad. After they put the needle in and after the person collecting my blood assured me that yes, my blood was supposed to be that colour/consistency and no it didn't look weird and yes it was perfectly safe for them to take that much blood out at once I was actually okay. I even watched the bag fill up for a second, but just a second. Best friend David was on the other side of my text messages to distract me and when they weren't secretly laughing at me the people working were really sweet and the whole thing took a lot quicker than I thought. at the end they had cookies and juice for me and a free green tee-shirt saying "Kiss me, I'm a life saver." and It's something that makes you feel really good to do. Like REALLY good. It was a really nice experience and I definitely think I'll do it again at some point, esspecially now that I know I can do it and not pass out at the site of my own blood.

"I am not my hair, I am not my skin, I am a soul that lives within"

Last month was apparently national love your body month and I noticed a couple other people on their blogs talk about what they considered to be their "best physical feature" I thought this would make a good post.

I'm not entirely sure what my best physical feature is. But I know what my most distinctive is. First off let me say that I have been aware for a while that I am pretty non generic looking. I am pretty tall (5'10") I have what has on more than one occasion been referred to as a "witch nose." I'm kind of awkward looking. But one thing really stands out about me, and that would be my hair.

I have curly hair. Well no, that is an understatement; I have thick, frizzy, kinky, unruly, over the top, impossible, hair. Humidity is my worst enemy, my chi straightener and Frizz-ease are my best friends. Hair stylists marvel at my hair and ask me if I'm positive that "I'm entirely white" (I am) I hate Anne Hathway, not because of her acting ability, but because her hair is just so damn straight and shiny and I am bitter.
Example:

That's my hairdo the day of my high school graduation, in that picture only two strands of hair were curled because I re-curled them after realizing I didn't have time to straighten all my hair that day, so I just pulled it up in a messy bun. And this is actually a good hair day. I would show a photo of my hair down but I do my best to make sure none of those are taken, when down my hair takes on the appearance of an afro more than nice normal curly hair.
I straighten it when I can, usually for plays, formals, special occasions and days where I have the extra time to look nice. (unfortunately I don't often have the hour or so free in the morning to properly straighten it, before I got it cut this year and when it's not relaxed it took over 2 hours, and unfortunately straightened hair, no matter how much product you use, gets REALLY breakable after a point and that doesn't look any better than extremely crazy curly hair. And long lasting straighteners like thermal reconditioning would cost me in between $400 and $600 and have to be redone every 6 months so yeah . . . straightening only works so much) For years my hair has been the bane of my existence.

But in the past year I have started to embrace it. after all having crazy hair has its perks. I am always very authentic looking when I go to an 80s themed party, I never have to tease or texture my hair A couple years ago my hair temporarily started falling out for various health reasons, I panicked thinking I was going to have giant bald spots, but my hair was so incredibly thick to begin with that no one even noticed. I can do crazy things with it, And most of all I don't know anyone else with hair quite like mine, (well, white girls anyway) As much as this annoyed me growing up, I've come to kind of accept it. It's part of who I am, It's part of what makes me stand out, it's different, it's one of the things that makes me different. I feel like my hair matches my personality, A little crazy and slightly eccentric, not entirely normal, (or very far from normal) but still fun and with some effort it can somewhat appear to fit in for special occasions.
It is not perfect, It's a hassle, and it will never look like Anne Hathaway's.
But it is very much me. And that counts for something.

Thoughts

I think people who say they have no regrets are lying. I don't think we always learn from our mistakes. I guess making mistakes means at least you're trying something, and we can't learn without trying. But I don't believe that anyone, if they were given the opportunity to go back in time and do even one tiny little thing differently, would turn it down.

I very badly want to be really excited about something. like christmas when I was 5.

I wish I cared more about a lot of things.

I declared my major officially. I am scared that being a theatre major is going to make me hate theatre.

I wish my hair was straight.

I'm worried I'm becoming a mean person.

My thought for tonight.

My favourite memory is being 15 and spending the night at my best friends house. It had snowed the night before so we went to an empty field near by and made snow angels and went sledding until we crashed the sled in to a ditch; and then we lay in the snow and talked until it got dark and we walked back to her house. It's my favourite memory, because that night everything was okay, for no reason at all.

I love those moments where nothing is happening, when you're just doing something simple like sitting on a bed with some friends watching a Sandra Bullock chick flick and eating gummy worms and you're all texting each other even though you're sitting together, and in that moment everything is just okay. Life is just good. And you are just happy. even if it only lasts a moment. Even though life is crazy and full of all kinds of shit, for that moment life is worth it. Because it's enough just to have bad movies and candy and people you like. That is my favourite part of living. Those rare times where you're happy for no reason other than the fact that you exist. I wish they happened more often.

I have way too much homework and a midterm tomorrow and I can feel stress coming, but tonight was a good night.